The last little bit, I've been wavering a bit about my whole decision to go on a mission. But tonight I was like, ya know what. I just need to remind myself why I'm going.
A couple of days before I decided I was going, we were talking about why we go, or why we should go on a mission. My teacher just looked at us and said, "Well... Do you love Jesus?" And in my mind I was like YES! Of course! But I just don't wanna go... Seriously would've thought you were insane if you told me a couple of days later I would be CRAVING to go on a mission.
I didn't want to go on a mission. No desire. But the key word in all of this is I. I didn't want to. I was sure it wasn't for me. But, it didn't even cross my mind once that HE has bigger and better plans for me than I do. I didn't trust Him. I didn't even think to trust Him.
As I remembered that experience tonight, I thought about how selfish it would be of me not to go! How selfish of me to not go and share the one thing that brings PURE JOY. How selfish of me to keep this to myself? I'm not saying if you don't go on a mission you're selfish. But, for me, this is the answer I've gotten. This is the plan He has for me.
I was reading in 2 Nephi. 2 Nephi 2:8 to be exact. It reads: "Wherefore, how great the importance to make these things known unto the inhabitants of the earth..." HELLO ANSWER TO MY PRAYER. I'm in love with the fact that I have been noticing answered prayers more. I'm sure they've always been there, I KNOW they've always been there, but I just haven't recognized them. There is seriously nothing better than getting an answer to a prayer. It still blows my mind, GOD KNOWS EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US. And He LOVES us, and He LISTENS to us, and He ANSWERS us. That just BLOWS my mind every time I think about it, every time it happens.
So, before I start my scripture study and what not, I light the candles I have in my room. Makes me feel all warm and cuddly:) Haha. BUT ANYWAYS. So I light this one candle that I have on my dresser in a lantern. And when I lit it, it was the TINIEST little flame ever and I was like well this is stupid. But, so I wrote in my journal, and read my scriptures and I stood up and looked at the lantern and it was the BIGGEST BRIGHEST flame that could have come from that little candle. I seriously turned off all the lights and could see just fine. And then came into my mind a little cheesy analogy. That flame is us. That flame is ME. I was so unsure when I sat down and started my scripture study. And by the time I was finished for the night, I was shining so bright! My prayers had been answered. I felt the Spirit. I was HAPPY.
Words cannot explain how much I love this gospel. Nothing can explain how much I love this gospel. It.. It seriously is the one thing that brings happiness. I KNOW IT. I FEEL IT. It's amazing to read the scriptures and see things that apply to me, that apply to all of us living right now. We were prepared to live right now. We were prepared to come down here, in the final seconds of the 4th quarter of the game, because we are STRONG and Heavenly Father needs us! His work is truly quickening. It's amazing to me to see all of the missionaries going out, to think that I'M going to be one of them so soon! I am IN LOVE with everything about this gospel. It is pure, and true, and.. absolutely AMAZING.
Let your light so shine. You are loved.
xoxo, Sarah
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