The BEST Two Years

Much of my life recently consists of wondering what I’m doing, WHY I’m doing what I’m doing, and if I’m making a really big mistake. See, here’s the deal: I have decided to move back home to Salt Lake City. (are you shocked?! because I am) I never thought those words would ever cross my mind, let alone out of my mouth. It hurts, honestly. Logan is my HAPPY PLACE, no exaggeration, and I do not do not do not want to leave it. So then comes the question of “Well…. then why are you leaving??” and here comes the answer— I DON’T KNOW.

I mean really, who would want to leave these humans?

Say whaaaaaaat?

I know, I know. Crazy town, right? Right. All I know right now is that I feel like I need to move home, like that is the best next step for me. As much as I am in love with Logan, it just doesn’t feel right to stay here. Which breaks my heart… a lot. 

The last two years that I have spent in Logan have seriously been the best two years of my life! Again- no exaggeration. I have the best roommates, the best job (all of my best friends are 4, and I’m not even mad about it), and I live in the best place. After I had lived here for about two weeks, I decided I never wanted to leave. Cache Valley has my heart! And I planned on staying here for like… ever. BUT as registration for fall semester came up, I felt incredibly uneasy. And this thought of “you should move home” entered my head, and as much as I HATED (really, really hated) that thought… It was the only thing that brought me peace.

Throughout the last few months, I’ve been praying a lot for guidance, because I am feeling 300% lost with what to do with my life, and as this feeling of peace overcame me, I knew that moving home was my answer. BUT--NO--WHAT, that is literally the opposite of what I want. But, then I remembered, He knows what He’s doing… I do not. So I took a giant leap of faith, without as much arguing as normal, and said, “Okay.”

So I called my mom to see if I could come home, trying my very best not to cry, I told her that I felt like I should move back. My nervous confession was met with,  “Well, I think that’s a great idea!” I’m glad someone does, because I’m not so sure haha. So that was that. I was moving home, and I felt pretty okay about it.

Until I realized… I have to tell my roommates, and sell my contract, and quit my job, and leave my kids, and leave my happy place, and clean all my crap up to move home, and find a new job, and basically start over, and WHAT WAS I THINKING MOVING HOME WAS OBVIOUSLY NOT THE RIGHT IDEA.

So I considered staying in Logan, which makes so much sense! Right?? Then I don’t have to deal with any of that crap I was worried about! It’s a win-win situation, really. Except I felt just AWFUL about it. But I really want to stay in Logan, so I tried talking myself out of moving anyway I could think of. Because I mean really, I had no real reason to move home. I didn’t know WHY I was deciding to move home, I don’t have any idea what I’m going to do once I do get home… All I know is that I just feel like I should.

And then someone told me not to ever talk myself out of doing what I was feeling, not to ever doubt my intuition. God was not letting me out of this one. 

RATS OKAY, I’LL GO HOME. I’ll go home. I won’t be happy about it, but I’ll go home.

SO- I’m moving home ha. I’ll be working at Oakcrest Camp during the summer… and then who knows what I’ll be doing in the fall... Wish me luck. 

xoxo, Sas

FAQ’s

WHY ARE YOU MOVING HOME? I don’t know.

WHAT ABOUT SCHOOL? I don’t know.

BUT SCHOOL IS IMPORTANT. I know. 

YOU REALLY SHOULD FINISH SCHOOL. I know.

SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I don’t know! :)