The BEST Two Years

Much of my life recently consists of wondering what I’m doing, WHY I’m doing what I’m doing, and if I’m making a really big mistake. See, here’s the deal: I have decided to move back home to Salt Lake City. (are you shocked?! because I am) I never thought those words would ever cross my mind, let alone out of my mouth. It hurts, honestly. Logan is my HAPPY PLACE, no exaggeration, and I do not do not do not want to leave it. So then comes the question of “Well…. then why are you leaving??” and here comes the answer— I DON’T KNOW.

I mean really, who would want to leave these humans?

Say whaaaaaaat?

I know, I know. Crazy town, right? Right. All I know right now is that I feel like I need to move home, like that is the best next step for me. As much as I am in love with Logan, it just doesn’t feel right to stay here. Which breaks my heart… a lot. 

The last two years that I have spent in Logan have seriously been the best two years of my life! Again- no exaggeration. I have the best roommates, the best job (all of my best friends are 4, and I’m not even mad about it), and I live in the best place. After I had lived here for about two weeks, I decided I never wanted to leave. Cache Valley has my heart! And I planned on staying here for like… ever. BUT as registration for fall semester came up, I felt incredibly uneasy. And this thought of “you should move home” entered my head, and as much as I HATED (really, really hated) that thought… It was the only thing that brought me peace.

Throughout the last few months, I’ve been praying a lot for guidance, because I am feeling 300% lost with what to do with my life, and as this feeling of peace overcame me, I knew that moving home was my answer. BUT--NO--WHAT, that is literally the opposite of what I want. But, then I remembered, He knows what He’s doing… I do not. So I took a giant leap of faith, without as much arguing as normal, and said, “Okay.”

So I called my mom to see if I could come home, trying my very best not to cry, I told her that I felt like I should move back. My nervous confession was met with,  “Well, I think that’s a great idea!” I’m glad someone does, because I’m not so sure haha. So that was that. I was moving home, and I felt pretty okay about it.

Until I realized… I have to tell my roommates, and sell my contract, and quit my job, and leave my kids, and leave my happy place, and clean all my crap up to move home, and find a new job, and basically start over, and WHAT WAS I THINKING MOVING HOME WAS OBVIOUSLY NOT THE RIGHT IDEA.

So I considered staying in Logan, which makes so much sense! Right?? Then I don’t have to deal with any of that crap I was worried about! It’s a win-win situation, really. Except I felt just AWFUL about it. But I really want to stay in Logan, so I tried talking myself out of moving anyway I could think of. Because I mean really, I had no real reason to move home. I didn’t know WHY I was deciding to move home, I don’t have any idea what I’m going to do once I do get home… All I know is that I just feel like I should.

And then someone told me not to ever talk myself out of doing what I was feeling, not to ever doubt my intuition. God was not letting me out of this one. 

RATS OKAY, I’LL GO HOME. I’ll go home. I won’t be happy about it, but I’ll go home.

SO- I’m moving home ha. I’ll be working at Oakcrest Camp during the summer… and then who knows what I’ll be doing in the fall... Wish me luck. 

xoxo, Sas

FAQ’s

WHY ARE YOU MOVING HOME? I don’t know.

WHAT ABOUT SCHOOL? I don’t know.

BUT SCHOOL IS IMPORTANT. I know. 

YOU REALLY SHOULD FINISH SCHOOL. I know.

SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I don’t know! :)

If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans...

I always told myself I wasn't a planner. I never have plans for anything, I don't like to have things planned out, so on and so forth. I believed this whole heartedly... until I started looking back on my life a little bit.

When I was 8 years old, I was introduced to ASL and the Deaf community. I fell absolutely IN LOVE, and I decided that I was going to be a teacher for the Deaf. No questions about it. ASL was my passion, and I ran with it. I took ASL all three years of high school, competed in the state ASL competition every year, and even did an internship at the Deaf school in Salt Lake my senior year.

When I was 9 years old, I had the next 20 years of my life planned out. Here's how it went: in high school I was going to be the dance team, the basketball team, and get straight A's. On top of that, I was going to have a boyfriend. (are you dying yet? literally the OPPOSITE happened. I am the most uncoordinated person the PLANET and I thought I was gonna be on the basketball and dance team?  ohhh man. And the boyfriend thing? Yeah freaking right) We were going to date all through high school, he was gonna go on his mission, when he came home we'd get married when I was 20. Then we'd have 4 beautiful kids, a boy, a set of twins, and then a little girl to make the perfect family.(I mean I guess the 4 kids thing could still happen, but probably not like that. Who knows)

When I was 16, God told me I was supposed to serve a mission. CLEARLY this did not fit into the plan that I had for myself. I fought it for a loooong time, before I finally got on board for what God had planned for me. I was going on a mission!! (refer to older posts about how I felt about that) So then I started re-planning my life because, well, I didn't expect this. So I planned out where I was going to college, what I was going to do after I got home, so on and so forth.

My plans got ruined a little bit when I found out I was supposed to go to Utah State instead of staying home in Salt Lake like I had planned. But that wasn't a big deal! Since I have a summer birthday, I'd just go to USU for a year, and then go on my mission. When I was 18, God told me that I actually wasn't going to serve a mission.... SAY WHAT? Refer to this post to hear the whole story.

SO- since I was going on a mission, clearly I was supposed to get married, right? That's what I thought. That's what I really, really, truly, believed. But once again, I wasn't right about how my life was going to play out. You think I'd be used to it at this point, right? Haha man..

When I was 19, God told me that I should be an Oakcrest counselor. (Oakcrest is a church camp for 7th grade girls) God told me to do it, and I laughed and said, "Nope! Noooo sir. You told me to go on a mission, and then that didn't work out. You told me that I should date that boy, and that didn't work out. You keep tellin' me to do things, and they don't work out, so.. no thank you." PLUS, working at Oakcrest would mean leaving Logan, leaving my preschoolers, moving home, working literally the whole summer... Yeah that sounds like the exact opposite of what I want to do with my life.

BUUUUUT- Oakcrest things kept popping up. Again, again, again, and again. So I said, Ya know hat, "FINE. Fine. Fine. I'll pray about it." Thinking that if I prayed about it enough, SURELY God would change His mind. But, because that's not how God works, that didn't happen. In fact, the answer to all my praying was, "STOP asking Me if it's right. I've told you, and you already know. It's up to you to decide." Yes, sir. Even though I had such a clear answer about what I was supposed to do, it took me about 3 more months before I decided to finally buckle down and apply.

I am not kidding when I say it was harder for me to get on board with Oakcrest than it was for me to get on board with a mission. Which makes ZERO sense, but here we are.

Once I finally accepted that I was going to Oakcrest, I got so so so so SO excited! I finally applied, sent all my things in, and was OVER THE MOON when I got a call for an interview! I was even MORE excited when I got the call a couple of weeks ago that I GOT THE JOB! Y'all, I got the job.

I am TOO stinking excited to spend a summer doing my favorite things: camping and talking about my best friend Jesus Christ. Camp starts in June, and I'm counting down the days until then. Preparing myself to be the best for all my girls.

SO REALLY- this was just a really long winded way to tell y'all that I got a new job for the summer, and I'm super duper excited about it (:

The end.

xoxo, Sas

FUN FACT: I actually was a camper at Oakcrest when I was in jr. high school. L O V E D  it. I'm stoked to go back!

meet ME

remember when I used to blog all the time? HAHA. Yeah me either. It's been a hot minute since I've written.. a little over 6 months actually.... whoopsie. The good news is, I'm here now! I figured since it's been so long, I'd introduce myself again. (which really is useless because the only one who actually reads this is my mom... Hi mom) BUT- I'm gonna do it anyway. Sue me.

SO HI. How the heck are ya? My name's Sarah, but my best pals call me Sas or Sasarah. I'm really good at embarrassing myself and taking ugly pictures.

these are the best pals I'm talking about 

and these are a few of the ugly pictures I'm talking about hahahaha.

I was born and raised in Salt Lake City, Utah; but I now live in Logan (God's country) while I attend Utah State University. I'm currently deciding between a degree in Deaf education (what I've been planning on since I was 8 years old) and a degree in Sociology and Criminal Justice (my new found love). WHY ARE DECISIONS SO HARD? I'll keep y'all posted on that one.

I'm currently working as a preschool teacher, which is one of my all time favorite things. I get to hang our with the cutest little humans all day, I have been blessed with the best coworkers, not to mention snack time and rest time. I've hit the jackpot with this job, folks. For real.

A glimpse into my everyday life. This is my lead teacher Ms. Lauren, she's my favorite.

My favorite things include pictures, American Sign Language, football, service, laughing, sunrises/sunsets, hockey, and most importantly dogs. I love dogs. The way to my heart is through dogs. Last year walking home from work I found a lost dog and took him home. His name was Koda, and I talked about him for weeks! Haha it was basically the best day of my life.

ain't he cute?? i shoulda kept him. (jk his family was very happy i brought him home)

This is my cute family. This also happens to be Mike's (the bearded stud muffin in the middle) first selfie, AS WELL AS our first family picture. We're so cool.

MY PEOPLE. This year they were kinda turds about the family selfie.

I started this blog back when I was in high school because I wanted to share what I believe with the world. If you're curious about what I believe you can visit mormon.org, as well as read my other blog posts. If there's one thing I love most in this world, it's talking about my best friend Jesus Christ. 

Thanks for stopping by my blog! Hopefully you'll come back sometime.

Love you more than peanut butter.

xoxo, Sas

B E S T  roommates

I don't have a story...

There is one reason, and one reason only, that I rarely post on this anymore. And that reason is this: I have nothing even remotely exciting to share with y'all.

It's true! My life consists of working and binge watching Grey's Anatomy with my roommates.

For the love of all that is holy, PLEASE do not start that show. It is complete GARBAGE. (but I can't stop...)

ANYWAYS... that's not why I'm here talking to you today.

This past Sunday in fast and testimony meeting, this lady got up and said something that really struck me. "I don't have a story. I don't have a special experience to share with you, but I DO have a testimony."

BLESS THAT WOMAN.

How important it was for me, and I'm sure others, to hear those words.

I mean, how great is that! How often do we feel like we don't have anything to share with others because our life isn't exciting enough? Ladies and gentlemen, that is a BIG OL' LIE.

Satan, stop.

"God made you who you are for a reason. So there's no reason why you should... be someone you're not. Someone is gonna need YOU, and who you are."-- Garrett Despain (SERIOUSLY one of my favorite quotes ever. taken from this video)

I started this blog to share my faith with the world, and recently I have been doing an incredibly sucky job at doing so. Because I don't have a story, I don't have a super impactful spiritual experience to share. I don't have anything out of the ordinary to show and prove God's love for me. BUT what I do have is a testimony.

GUYS!!!

(cutest brother on his mission)

I know that God is real. i KNOW it.  I know that He is my FATHER. I mean really, how incredible is that??

I know that Jesus Christ lives. He is my Savior, He is my brother, He is my very best friend. He has done absolutely EVERYTHING that He can for me, all I have to do is my best, and He's got the rest covered.

I know that the Book of Mormon is the word of God. I know that because of Him, all things are possible. I could NOT be more stoked to be a member of this church. It brings happiness. Genuine, lasting happiness. Isn't that we're all striving for?

I know that God has a plan for me, and a plan for you. A plan for each of us. I'm not quite sure what that plan is, but I know He has one, because every time something doesn't go the way I planned... it turns out way better than I expected!

When so much in my life is unsure, the gospel is the one thing I can depend on. I owe each breath I breathe. I love my Father in Heaven and my Savior SO very much. I am incredibly grateful for all that they have blessed me with. I am so grateful for the knowledge that I have. I am so grateful for all the outstanding people that have been placed in my life to help me grow into the person that He knows that I can be.

God loves you. YOU are HIS child. You are His. He will never let you down. He will never leave you alone. He wants the BEST for you. He sees, He knows, the potential that you have! Jesus Christ atoned for YOU. His hands are always, ALWAYS, ALWAYS outstretched!! Lean on Him. Give your troubles to Him. Let Him help you, let Him lift you. There is NO ONE who understands you more perfectly than He does. He loves you, promise.

Prayers get answered, always. Not always in the way that we want, or in the time that we want, sometimes it feels as if there is no answer it all. But they always get answered. Believe me, He knows better than you do. Say a prayer. Talk to your Father. Build a relationship with Him. You're away from home, and He misses you. He really, truly wants to be a part of your life. Let Him in. It's a decision you WON'T regret.

I LOVE this gospel. I LOVE my Savior. I LOVE my Father in Heaven.

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.






If you have any questions about the church, click here.


Love you MILLIONS.
xoxo, Sas

Dear San Juan 203-

I will never forget the first time I walked through the front door........ and was COMPLETELY and UTTERLY disappointed. The pictures online had failed to show me the bathroom that is barely big enough for a mouse, and the fact that our toilet didn't even have a lid. The pictures online did not tell me that there would be only ONE outlet in my room... which was basically on the ceiling. The internet did not inform me that there was a ghost, who opened and closed doors, and also deposited the occasional toothbrush that no one had ever seen before. I wasn't aware of the fact that inside your walls were the most sensitive fire alarms known to mankind that would cause me to venture outside in the middle of the night. No, San Juan, your description online prepared me for absolutely nothing that I had to live with for the next 257 days.

I will not miss your prison hallway, or the fact you had to carefully maneuver around the toilet to close the door.

I will not miss your sensitive fire alarm that made me stand out in the cold in the middle of the night.

I will not miss that sad excuse for a couch, or your lack of outlets.

I will not miss your lack of a dishwasher, or the way the bathroom like constantly needed to be replaced.

I will not miss the blinds that were all broken, and impossible to make straight.

(I mean REALLY. Look at those darn things)

In fact, San Juan, I do not think I will miss you at all.

BUT I WILL MISS all of the incredible memories that have been made within these walls. San Juan, I would like to thank you for introducing me to two of the best individuals that I have ever had the privilege of knowing.

I MEAN LOOK AT THEM. C'MON.

Although I do not particularly like you, San Juan... I will always have a special place in my heart for you. You see, I spent my entire first year of college calling you home. There were some pretty good meals made in your tiny kitchen. 

There were lots of tears shed in San Juan, trying ti pretend you're an adult is maybe a little bit harder than I was expecting. But the GOOD NEWS IS there was so much more laughter. Seriously. I mean I really have the best friends in the whole entire world. Who knew I could laugh so much with the same people over and over again?

  

So ya know what San Juan, while I have never been more excited to leave someplace, I guess I will maybe kind go miss you a little bit. But I am mad at you right now, because I have to be separated from my sandwich for a WEEK. We cherished the last few moments we had together. Which was harder than expected because we had packed everything up... 

We might have cut up a plastic box and used it as spoons..... desperate times call for desperate measures folks.

Bye bye #Sanjuannabeus

SO STOKED TO BE STAYING HERE WITH THEM FOR THE SUMMER!

Love them, and Logan, forever.

xoxo, Sasarah

I Hope They (don't) Call Me On a Mission

Please don't hate me too much by reading the title, okay?

So, I do this crazy thing where I write really personal things and post them on the internet. Not sure where I got that idea, or why I thought it was a good one.. BUUUUT that's not the point. The point is: I've got some explaining to do.

I remember the night that I decided I was going to serve a mission. Well.. Let’s rephrase that, because I really didn’t decide anything. I remember the night that Heavenly Father told me that I needed, and was going to, serve a mission. It happens to be one of the most sacred and special moments for me. There are few other times where I have so strongly and surely felt the spirit. I immediately told the people closet to me. I then told everyone about it. I bore my testimony about it. I blogged about it. I made a pinterest board. I’m pretty sure if they let 16 year olds serve, I would’ve been gone.

I remember there were several times in which I doubted the decision I had made to serve a mission, but every time I got down on my knees to pray, or every time I read my scriptures, I was reassured that a mission was in Heavenly Father’s plan for me, and I trusted Him. I accepted the fact that even though I had never wanted to serve a mission, I was to follow God’s plan. He knows better than I do, and I KNEW that He would never send me in the wrong direction. I trusted in Him more than I ever had before. I got the most giddy, warm feeling every time I thought about missionary work. I seriously COULD NOT wait to get one of those fancy black name tags with mine and Jesus’ name on it. I'd never been so sure, or so excited about anything in my life.

My plans started to get a little thrown off when I decided that I was going to Utah State instead of SLCC like I had originally planned. My whole family was telling me that it would be smarter to stay in Salt Lake, go to SLCC, save the money, be at home, and prepare for my mission. But it just wasn’t right. Utah State was where I needed to be. I knew it, and I knew that God knew it. Again, I KNEW that He would never send me in the wrong direction. I felt something different as my mom and I drove into Cache Valley for the first time. The first time I stepped on campus, I knew that it was where I needed to be (cheesiest thing you’ve ever heard in your life, right?). I didn’t let this throw me off too much though. Since I have a summer birthday, I would be able to complete a whole year of college, and then be off on my way to serve the Lord. No biggie. 

As the end of my senior year approached, I started doubting whether serving a full time mission was right for me. But I just brushed it off as the feelings that I had every time before that, and told myself that I was to follow God’s plan, not mine. 

It was about my second week up at Utah State that I realized I had a real problem (if you can call it that..?).  I didn’t want to serve a mission. I didn’t. Not one bit. And it wasn’t this “on the fence” feeling like it had been when I had doubted my decision before hand. No, I really had no desire to leave this place that I’d fallen in love with so much for 18 months. Sounds pretty selfish, doesn’t it? Yeah. That’s what I told myself. I prayed, and I felt nothing. Nothing telling me “Sarah, stop being stupid, you know what you’re supposed to do".  Nothing in the scriptures telling me that I was to serve. Nothing. I felt completely, and utterly lost. Heavenly Father had told me I was going to serve a mission. I knew it, I knew it, I KNEW IT. Why was He leaving me alone now?? Why did He decide that He had nothing to say to me?

I thought this decision was made. My mind was set. Not a thing that was up for debate. WHAT IN THE HECK WAS GOING ON HERE? I almost felt guilty, and even mad, for feeling like I shouldn’t serve. I got myself in quite a pickle making my decision to serve so public. Because now, not only is it expected of me to serve, but I feel like I’m lettin’ my peeps, myself, and my Father in Heaven down by not serving. People are SHOCKED when I tell them that I don’t think I want to serve anymore.. So most of the time I just play along like I’m still going.. (whoops). I've even felt a little heat and pressure from some people who find out I'm not going.. Telling me that I've made up my mind and can't change it, or it's something that I was always planning on and I'd better do it.

BUT MY DEAR PEOPLE. HEAVENLY FATHER WILL NOT, AND DOES NOT FORSAKE YOU. (He's awesome like that. Man, I love Him)

You see, in talking with my bishop from home, I found the answer to my prayers. He said, "Well you don't have to feel pressured to go... But if you go it will be the most amazing experience of your life... But whatever happens you have to have a rock solid testimony of Jesus Christ!!!... whatever you choose will be the right thing!!!!" Whatever I choose will be the right thing... That got me.

So, for those of you that are confused.. I AM serving a mission.  Just not the kind where you enter the MTC, and have one of those fancy little name tags for 18-24 months. :) Shout out to member missionaries, am I right???

Remember how I was talking about how Heavenly Father knows better than I do? And has a plan for me? Well folks, I've never been more sure of that than I am now. I don't remember who said it.. But someone said that when you have deja vu, it means you're doing the right thing. I AM DOING THE RIGHT THING. I know that I'm where God needs me, and I've decided that I'm okay with the fact He doesn't need me "in the mission field", but He needs me right here. And I cannot wait to serve Him here.

Heleman 5:12 "And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."

There is nothing I love more than this gospel. Absolutely nothing. I know that I am a child of God, and I know that He loves me. I know that YOU are a child of God and HE LOVES YOU. Prayer works (in His time). If you have a Book of Mormon.. read it. People DIED for this book, you have it, read it (and if you don't, I can sure get you one!). Talk to your Heavenly Father. He's there. You're His child, and He misses you. He wants to hear from you, I promise. Get to know your Father in Heaven. Get to know your older brother, your Savior, Jesus Christ. He has literally done everything He can, He's just waiting for you. His hands are always, always, ALWAYS, outstretched. This church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, is true. I know that, because I've had to figure it out for myself. If you don't know that yet, or if you have any questions... click on this spiffy little link. mormon.org

ALSO- If you are serving one of the missions with one of those fancy name tags.. Let me know because 1- you're awesome, and 2- I would love to write you!

xoxo,
Sarah

WORLD'S WORST BLOGGER

So hey. Haven't written anything in FOUR MONTHS. ....whoops....

LET'S JUST SAY- soooooo many things have changed in the last 4 months, and I could not be more stoked about anything in my life right now. (unless someone wants to give me ridiculous amounts of money... then I would definitely be more stoked)

Here are some highlights from my journal over the last few months...

Okay, maybe having friends over till 4am with 9 o'clock church wasn't be best idea...how easy it would have been to just ignore that alarm, and curl back up in my bed. (Okay, I kind of did, but only for half an hour)... Why would I be willing to turn down more sleep?... my point is God is awesome.
-- 9.14.14

How incredibly blessed I am to love my roommates so much. How amazing it is to feel so at home in Logan.
-- 9.27.14


"We were DEFINITELY BFFs in the premortal life" -Kenzie
"BFFS BC!" - Jess
-- 10.12.14













There are a few things I've learned up here these past two months. 1: I can freaking hold my own in the kitchen... get on my level. 2: You do not need as much sleep as you think you do. 3: Literally NO ONE cares what you look like or what you're doing.
-- 10.13.14

There are not enough words in english or signs in ASL to explain how much I love my friends. 
-- 10.21.14

"Let's go on a drive," he said, "it'll be fun!" he said. Ladies and gentlemen, I almost lost my toes last night.
--10.22.14

D&C 6:23 "Did I not speak peace unto your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?
--10.30.14

"This relationship isn't just between us, it's the three of us. God has to be involved."
-- 11.4.14

"There are two types of people in this world: those you love, and those you do not know." -Brother Blake
--11.11.14 (just a little plug for my main man Tony Blake... come to USU, take Parables of Christ, have your life changed. The end)


"You have to promise me one thing... Never love me more than God." Honestly- how did I get so lucky?
--11.20.14

Hi. It's almost Christmas and my first semester of college is over and out.. How do things like this happen? I do not know. The last 4 months have truly been the best months of my life... I have THEE BEST FRIENDS that I could ever ask for (not to mention the best boyfriend). Logan is seriously my happy place... I've done a lot of growing and learning up here. I've learned that I hate dishes more than I originally thought I did. YOU PEOPLE WITH DISH WASHERS ARE SPOILED. I've learned that it is quite easy to fall asleep on the bus at 7 AM.. I'm embarrassed. I've learned that I'm even better at procrastinating than I thought I was! Now THAT is a feat. You've really outdone yourself, McBride. I've learned that I don't need makeup to feel good about myself. Also- the amount of days I dress like a hobo have increased.. Brachen, I am sorry (not sorry).
--12.19.14

What am I doing on New Year's Eve, you ask? Well. I'm glad you asked. Actually, I'm not, because I am the lamest human on the planet (except for my boyfriend who went to bed at 10... wow) I'm sitting on my bed writing in my journal. #getonmylevel Actually... #getonBrachenslevel He is LIVING. ... 2014 has been absolutely incredible... I'm so grateful for all of the memories that have been made this year. It's truly one for the books, and I'm not sure I've ever been able to say that wholeheartedly. This year... I've learned what truly makes me happy. I've learned that sometimes you change your mind, and that's okay. I've learned that soul mates are a thing- and I don't mean that in the lovey dovey way. I mean it in the "my roommates and I were BFFs in the premortal existence" way. I've learned that I'm okay with myself, and with being alone. I've learned that God is really in everything.
--12.31.14

Oh, how excited I am for 2015! (and I promise I'll be better at writing so you can enjoy all the crazy adventures I have too, k?)

xoxo, 

Sarah