I have learned for MYSELF

Can I just rant for a second? Ya know what bothers me more than ANYTHING in this whole entire world?? The kids in seminary or Sunday school, who act like being there is SUCH a chore, and that they're not getting anything from it, and they're too cool to be there, and they could be doing something SO much better with their time. IT DRIVES ME FREAKING NUTS. Do you even realize what you have in your life right now?? Do you realize the KNOWLEDGE you have?? And you're sitting there acting like you would rather be doing anything else other than sitting in seminary listening to the word of the Lord. You don't get anything from the gospel if you don't put effort into it. Obviously, you're not going to feel the Spirit and understand what's going on if you're on your phone playing games the whole time. You're not only distracting yourself, you're distracting others. And when the teacher asks you to do something with a parter, you're making it SO hard, and taking away from the opportunity your parter would have to learn from you if you had actually been paying attention. How DARE you take the opportunity away from someone else.

Let that just sink in for a second, YOU are taking the opportunity of learning and feeling the Spirit away from someone else.

A couple of weeks ago, I heard the boys talking about how they had never read the Book of Mormon, and then later on in the class they started to complain about how annoying this gospel was and how they were just there because they had to be. It seriously took everything in me not to turn around and be like, "You just DON'T GET IT, do you??"

How do you expect to get anything from this gospel if you don't try????? I just.. I just don't understand how someone could just sit there and complain about this, when they're not even trying.

NEWS FLASH: This gospel, is NOT easy. It's not. Bottom line. End of story. ANYTHING worth doing, is not going to be easy. And you're going to have to work at it. You're going to have to work to gain a testimony. I KNOW it. I've done it. And I'm still doing it. There were so many times when I doubted.. When I didn't know if I was in the right place, if this religion was for me.

There was such a long period of time when  I didn't feel the Spirit. I remember writing in my journal and wondering what I was doing wrong, why God had forsaken me, why I couldn't feel the Spirit, or gain anything from my church meetings. I remember praying and asking him "WHY? Why are you doing this to me?" And it felt like He never answered my prayers. And I was upset, and sad, and I didn't understand how my whole life I had been taught to pray, because God would answer my prayers, and then when I really needed Him, He wasn't there.. I was so.. So angry with Him. How could He do this to me??

There was a day in seminary when we went to this thing they had created called the Isaiah Museum, and all we did that day was sit in the room, and go around to the different pictures and study Isaiah and write down things. No talking to anyone. No sound. Just you and the scriptures. That day, is when I came upon one of my favorite scriptures. Isaiah 59:1-2 "Behold, the Lord's hand is not shortened, that i cannot save; neither is his ear heavy, that it cannot hear: But your iniquities have separated you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear." And THAT'S when it hit me. He WAS there. He had ALWAYS been there. I was the one who had screwed up, and made it so that He could not dwell with me. See, I had done everything so that it seemed that it wasn't my fault that I wasn't feeling the Spirit. I had blamed Him. And I was mad at Him for not being there to pick me up when I finally realized that I didn't want to live like that. I was just waiting for Him. But I, I didn't change anything about the way I was living. I didn't do anything to try to get back to Him. Satan had such a hold on me that I thought, why try? I won't get anything from it anyway.

I DIDN'T TRY.

It was also within that same timeframe that Brother Sheilds said, "How can you say you don't believe in something you've never tried??"


It's been about a year, give or take, since I had that experience. In that time, I finished the Book of Mormon. I took more from seminary and my church classes. I DECIDED TO GO ON A MISSION. I started seeking for the light of Christ. And I've found it. I'm still looking for it, and trying to grasp it, but I've found it. And I'll tell you this right now, I'm NEVER letting it go.

I finished the Book of Mormon not even a month ago. But my testimony has NEVER been stronger than it is at this at this very moment, and it's growing each day as I continue to read and learn.

Last week, my seminary teacher said, "If you think you can avoid apostasy without reading your scriptures, you are VERY wrong." At that very moment, everything clicked. Last year, when I was in SUCH a low place, I hadn't been reading my scriptures. Correction: I had NEVER read my scriptures. Other than when I was asked to in church or something. I had tried, but I had always given up. And all of those years going without reading the word of the Lord everyday had just caught up to me. I don't know how I never made that realization earlier.. But.. I didn't. But now that I have, I don't go a day without it. I can't. I really truly cannot. I have to write in my spiritual journal and read my scriptures every day.

My girl Sierra carries around her rocks with her in her bag.. Which I though was kind of weird, until I realized that I do the same thing. I don't leave the house without at least ONE of these beauts.

I have such a strong testimony of this gospel. I LOVE this gospel. I seriously cannot believe that I could ever doubt it. I promise you that if you read the Book of Mormon seeking for truth, you will find it. It IS true. This gospel IS true. Jesus Christ LIVES. And I know these things, because I HAVE LEARNED FOR MYSELF. It took so much work. But I haven't done anything else in my life that has been more worth while.

Learn for YOURSELF. With the mission ages being lowered, we as the youth of this church, need to step it up. Take advantage of seminary. Of this gospel. Of all the things you have. USE THEM. LEARN FROM THEM. Learn for yourself, so that you can go out and change lives. 

"We don't need spiritually weak, semi-committed young men [and women]. We don't need you to just fill a position , we need your whole heart and soul... This isn't a time for spiritual weaklings. We cannot send you on a mission to be reactivated, reformed, or to receive a testimony. We just don't have time for that."--Elder M. Russell Ballard

xoxo, Sarah